


Saving Captain Ackerman

by Cryerrytiem



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cute, Depression, Domestic, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 16:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3297002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryerrytiem/pseuds/Cryerrytiem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haunted by the death of his comrades, Captain Levi becomes blank. On 'compassionate leave' for the last two weeks, visited only by Hange and Erwin, how could he even imagine to overcome the tragedy that occurred in the Forest of Giant Trees? Set after The 57th Exterior Scouting Mission and before the finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saving Captain Ackerman

**Author's Note:**

> A nice bit of Eruri fluff.  
> Just a quick oneshot, made with a lot of feels, a dash of fluff, a sprinkle of PETRA NOOOOO and a wallop of ham. 
> 
> A bit of OOC-ness but that's to be expected considering. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The glass in my hand must've slipped some time ago, but I'd only just noticed the shards of glass strewn across the cold wood of the floor. Liquid flowed over and past the shards, and the candlelit room caused the glass to seem ignited. My hair slipped over my ears and obscured my vision as I peered down, mouth open gently at the mess before me. Part of my mind nagged to clean it up, but a darker voice challenged it; why bother? 

A glimpse of something the colour of yarn flashed in a mirror to my left, swooping away almost as soon as I saw it - was it just my imagination? That colour... 

"Never mind that," I snapped at myself and slunk back down into the dust covered leather chair. 

The Corps had been back after the tragedy in the Forest of Giant Trees merely two weeks, and Erwin had seen to it I be 'released' - better known as forced - on 'compassionate leave' for the next seven weeks, including the time already spent at home in solitude. In my opinion, there wasn't a single thing compassionate about my leave; I was trapped in the dark, dank and thoroughly dusty apartment I'd rented before joining the Scouts, and hadn't returned to in quite a while. It seemed that the landlady who lived in the small shop below had forgotten to maintain it while I was away. Not that that mattered, for I barely noticed what was dirty and ruined. 

Only a few of the regiment had been to visit me; Hange came occasionally to babble about her 'latest discoveries', and with her, I could shut off entirely and let her do the talking, which was a nice change from Erwin, who insisted on visiting daily. Hange understood better than Erwin what I was experiencing, and let me decide when to - or not to - talk about it; he pushed for answers harder than he pushed for progress on the front, though I suppose from the commander I should expect nothing less. 

The only recruit I'd not seen since we'd come back was Eren Jaeger. Imprisoned, or so I was told, for 'war crimes'. I couldn't tell you what the boy had done, because he hadn't done anything wrong. We all knew the higher-ups couldn't afford another wildcard running loose. He was the one I was most anxious to see; no doubt that particular brat would be distraught and blaming himself for the disgusting deaths of his comrades. I wanted to visit him, to tell him that it wasn't his fault but the Female Titan's, but I'd yet to find the courage. 

A knock at the door snapped me out of my reverie. "Levi?" A gruff voice sounded through the obscuring entrance - or was it an exit? "Open the door. I've been waiting here for God knows how long, and dinner is going cold. Never mind, I'm just coming in." Erwin. Shit. I rushed to my feet, and began to sweep the glass under the armchair, but as fast as I was, it wasn't quick enough to evade the commander. 

"Levi?" He looked down at me, brown paper bag against his chest with a long arm curling it into him, knitted brows that seemed to be in the process of evaluating everything he saw and those cold, blue eyes that tore into you and picked you apart. "What in blazes are you doing? Why are you hiding the broken glass rather than just cleaning it away? How unlike you." 

With grace unknown to the majority of tall, broad shouldered men, Erwin set down the bag onto a tabletop and knelt beside me in one elegant sweep, before collecting the shards of shattered glass in his calloused palm. I looked down at my own, equally as scarred, and wondered when it had gotten that way. 

His eyes flickered over to me once the glass was safely in his hands, and he stood once more, emptying the contents of his palm into a bin nearby. "Honestly, captain. This place is disgusting. I remember when you had the new recruits clean the old Recon Corps headquarters; I've never seen as many people cry over a broom! Petra would be in-" 

Before I'd known what I was doing, my fist had moved instinctively, and connected with Erwin's jaw with a painful crack. Or at least, that was what my mind had told me what had happened. I looked up at the man in front of me, my gaze promptly diverted to what he held in his bear-like grasp. It was my hand - or rather, my fist. 

My eyes widened as the pain formed. Gritting my teeth, I pulled the hand away from the giant, and clutched it to my chest. "Overgrown... moron...'', I muttered through barred teeth as I paced the room. Three displaced knuckles, I counted, and a sprained wrist. Where had my speed gone? Erwin couldn't catch my punches before... I stopped myself. 

"Message received. Levi is still out of commission." Erwin turned his back to me, but I could still hear him sigh. He began to walk forward and my hand - the one he hadn't crushed - reached forward to grab the back of his uniform jacket without my conscious permission. He halted where he stood, inches from the door, and hand hovering above the handle. 

A part of me protested at this intimacy - because this was the closest I'd been to someone in a very long time - and reminded me of my resolve; silent and stoic in the mission of self recovery. But some other side of myself, one that had been lost in the frenzy of deaths, missions, developments and setbacks during my course in the Survey Corps begged to be comforted, to be in company of any kind. I barely remembered even having such a weak part of myself. 

In addition to this, Erwin was trying. He, minus Hange, who was for the most part unaccounted for because of her work, was the one who checked up on me - made sure I'd eaten, slept, showered. He was my life machine, because without his constant, overbearing presence, I probably would forget to get out of bed. He had no obligation to me to do this, but he was consistent, and that was a I trait I greatly admired. 

A slither of his face revealed itself to me, enough to see the slightly glazed blue eye and neatly arranged fringe of his hair; half a full set of lips, a crooked nose and a characteristically furrowed brow. "What's for dinner?" I managed to form the words, though I had to repeat them a few times before my voice complied. 

Erwin turned fully then, and I swore I could see the hint of a smile playing at the edges of his mouth. "It's not much - supplies are getting scarcer than we can manage. But I managed to swindle a few of the drunkards in the Garrison out of this." One hand went into the bag, and when it remerged, it held a joint of ham. Meat was scarce enough as it was, and the pink tenderness of it made my mouth and my throat wet. "Then you've got the regulars-" I cut him off once more, but without the uppercut. In its place, I lunged for the meat and all but dove into the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans until I found what I needed. 

"Boiling bacon is rare indeed," I murmured, licking my lips as I filled a large pan with water and set it on the stove to boil. I heard a snicker and a poof, and soon after, a huff of irritation. "...Levi!" 

I peered around the doorway of the kitchen into the small sitting room the apartment allowed me. At first, I couldn't see what he was complaining about, but when he turned to face me, his face was covered in soot - had he been trying to light the fire? - and his expression screamed bloody murder. A small, delicate and considerably alien sound forced its way out of my mouth and a hand flew up to hold in any other sounds that wanted to escape. 

"How long since you last clea-!" Another poof. He'd poked a loose stone and another storm of soot flew out to cover his face and hair. The sound broke out again, and it took me a while to realise I was laughing - did my laugh sound like that? I tried to contain myself, but his expression was priceless. In that instant, I wanted to capture the moment forever in a frame, but the wrath that would follow would surely not be worth it. 

Shaking my head as the laughs died down, I set another pan over the saucepan of boiling water, placed the ham inside and put on a lid before grabbing a cloth and dampening it. "Stay there, I'll bring you out a- oof!" I turned too quickly, and smacked into the solid, yet warm chest of my commander. I looked up, narrowed eyes and frowning, and huffed. "You could announce when you've entered a room. Honestly, Erwin. How rude." 

As he watched me, he smiled and held out his hand for the cloth, which I roughly handed to him before stepping past his enormous frame and hoisting myself up to sit on the tabletop. I grabbed the paper bag he'd brought in with him and looked inside - a small loaf of bread, a slither of cheese and some fruits. He was certainly correct about these items being regular, but at the same time they evoked a smile. 

When I looked up again, his face was mostly clean, and his fringe now damp waved, unruly in its allotted freedom. "You're a complete idiot," I laughed again at the memory and snatched the cloth from his hands, rinsing it out beneath the tap. I felt the counter pressed against my stomach bow as I cleaned the rag and looked over to see Erwin leaning against it, arms crossed over his chest. 

Something in the window caught my eye. It was as if someone were running past, their golden hair trailing behind them, but that was literally impossible - the apartment was three stories up. The same colour... I shook myself and turned away, my good mood fading once more. 

"Levi?" Erwin's voice was less gruff than before, and he put a large hand on my shoulder, his fingers long enough to almost reach the bottom of my shoulder blade. "No, no it's nothing." I tried to look up at him with a smile, but I'm sure he saw right through it because his response was a sad smile of his own. I watched him for a moment and saw that he'd missed a considerable amount of dirt behind his ear - what did that say about him, not washing behind his ears? I surprised myself with the thought; I sounded like myself again. 

I moved the cloth from beneath the stream of icy water and began to wring it out. "Erwin, you're such a mess - as usual," I sighed and shook my head before moving to face him. I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach the spot of soot, but I managed. I moved the cloth in circular motions, as was best to remove stains quickly, and huffed.

He was close. I could feel his crossed arms pressing against my chest, and his breath made my hair brush backward. When had it gotten so long? I wondered. As if reading my mind, he spoke: "However have you coped with hair so long? You used to complain it was too long as you came out from having it cut." I felt his laugh more than heard it, the swift rise and fall of his chest - or more precisely, his arms beneath me - and the excess of air causing my hair to float more freely. 

That raised the question within myself. How had I coped? By sitting in dust, eating whatever I was presented with, not bothering to make myself presentable. My old self frowned at that from within me, perfectly groomed in his uniform, complete with cravat, and my even older self - that I recognised more easily now - shrugged. How had Erwin ignited this sudden understanding within me? How had he lit the fire to thaw whatever I was freezing into? 

"There we go," I murmured and rocked back on my heels, throwing the cloth into the sink with surprising accuracy. "Now you're presentable." I shuffled away from him and lifted the lid off of the boiling meat - still not done. It would be an hour or so before it was edible. I narrowed my eyes and silently cursed the wretched, delicious thing; how dare it make me wait? 

Wandering into the sitting room, I lit the fire. It was easy, thanks to the cleaning Erwin's face had done, and in moments, a warm lick of flame fuelled a brightness within the room, abolishing the evening's coldness. The warmth showed me the grime and dust that made the room seem claustrophobic to me. If anything, I hadn't expected to feel so elated at the return of a handicap, but I did. 

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and realised that even though it had been less than half an hour in his company, something about myself was different. The bored slant of my eyes I'd adopted had disappeared, and my eyes were wider and more vulnerable than I remember seeing them in years. My hair was longer; the undercut had grown out quickly, almost matching the rest of it in length. That would definitely have to go. 

While inspecting myself, and noting the harsh lines that were carved into my face had been all but wiped away, I caught a glimpse of that golden hair once more, and this time, a face. Blue eyes, golden hair and a smile that could put the sun out of business. Petra Ral. 

'Levi,' her voice was as gentle as the gust of wind that you barely notice glide by.  
I stumbled backwards, knocking over the small table beneath the mirror, before managing to pull down the dusty, moth bitten curtains as I grasped on to stop myself from falling. Alas, I failed. 

My head connected heavily with the floor, and something sharp nestled into my cheek, but I barely felt it - or anything at that moment. The dusty curtain covered my face and I was vaguely aware of footsteps thudding rapidly toward me, but I couldn't move. I felt as if a titan were sat on my chest; my vision was blurred and my body felt as if it were on fire. 

All of a sudden I was surrounded by trees. Giant trees. I should be wearing my Manoeuvre Gear and Scout's uniform, but out in this wild paradise, I wore nothing but a dirtied pair of trousers and a loose white shirt, barefooted. Amongst the trees darted the dainty frame of a woman, her dress catching the light between the trees - was that a dress? It seemed metallic... 

All of a sudden, she stopped. A familiar smell began to waft towards me. I blinked. 

The smell of death. Petra's body, mutilated, bent backwards; her face was upside down, staring at me with lifeless eyes I'd once seen the very sun in. The rest of the squad - Gunther, Eld, Auruo... Half eaten, smashed corpses. I don't know how I could be here. I wasn't here. I didn't see them for more than a fleeting moment, so how could I remember the scene so perfectly? 

Consciousness claimed me. I sat up as quickly as possible, banging heads with someone who'd presumably been leaning over me. "Ah!" He grumbled, grabbing his head and frowning as he rubbed it frantically. "Shit, Levi!... Wha-?" 

I looked down at my hands, and water pattered down onto my already bruising knuckles. More water streamed down my face in silent streams - wait, were these tears? I hadn't cried in so long... 

As realisation hit me, my silent tears broke out into ugly, loud bellows and all of a sudden, I was pressed against a warm, hard surface - no, chest. Erwin had his strong arms wrapped around me, locking me in place against him, though he remained silent. How had it come to this? I, Levi Ackerman, Captain of the Survey Corps, the wings of humanity's freedom, was being held exactly as a child would when they'd scraped their knee. The size difference between Erwin and myself really didn't help the situation. 

After the shock, I just leaned my head into the crook of his neck - or rather his throat, considering I couldn't reach his neck - and cried. We sat like that until I stopped crying, or ran out of tears; whichever one it was, it was a long time before the apartment was quiet once more. Erwin made no attempt to talk, or to move, and I was grateful; I didn't think I could've moved if I tried. My legs felt as if they'd melted into the floor. 

"I- I'm sorry," I managed to get out, though my voice was hoarse from all of the crying. "I shouldn't have fallen. I shouldn't have cried... Let me - help me up. I'll check on the meat. It should be done any time now." 

Erwin didn't respond, and that frightened me. Had his opinion of me been ruined by all of this?

All of a sudden, his arms around me tightened. I'd forgotten the way we'd been sat, and slowly and surely as he stood, he helped me to stand too. He didn't let go after he'd helped me to my feet, and I felt a flush rise in my face as I felt the beat of his heart against my cheek. Steady and strong, entirely befitting of the commander. I made no move to get away. I stood there, entrapped pleasantly in his embrace, and closed my eyes, soothed by the rhythm of his heart. 

"Levi..." He started, his voice unsure, as if he was delving into uncharted waters. "Levi." Erwin's tone was steadier this time. "I - I don't understand what you're feeling, not at all. And I can't even start to... I just want to understand." I could feel him gritting his teeth and picture him furrowing his brows. I smiled sadly.

I couldn't possibly put my feelings, my thoughts into words. I couldn't burden Erwin and unburden myself. This was my fight and mine alone; this wasn't fighting for humanity's sake, but for my own. Petra was gone. I had to learn to live with the fact that my fingers would never touch her soft skin, or glide through her silken hair. We would never sleep in the same bed again, eat dinner, and I would never officially be introduced to her family. I would never be with my team - my friends again. Gunther, Eld, Auruo. Names of comrades that I had no right to try and forget. I would never forget any of them. I would live in their name, fight in their name, and honour their sacrifice for the sake of humanity with strength and resolve.

As this realisation, this resolve sank into my skin, through my veins, my muscles, and into my blood, I felt lighter than I'd done in months. Not better, but less worse. My hands raised to nestle under his jacket and my fingers clutched his shirt, as if he would disappear. I scolded myself; Erwin was constant, continuous. 

"Dinner?" I murmured, looking up at him with a brow cocked, though my eyes were puffier than usual, enforcing the squint I'd adopted so long ago. Erwin inspected me for a long moment but finally he released the breath he'd been holding and nodded, eyes closed and smiling with relief. His arms squeezed me tighter for a moment, but he released me soon enough. His hand moved quickly towards my face, removing the glass from my cheek and smearing the small trickle of blood from my face; he knew as well as I did it'd heal in time. "Clean up in here, would you? Try not to break anything again. Tch." I left the room, but not quickly enough to miss his chuckle. 

The meat had cooked well. Carving it was a dream, the sweet, steamy aroma filling my nose as soon as the knife sank in to the meat. After the meat was finished and the slices were neatly arranged on a plate, I began to cut the bread into chunks, and then the cheese. Fruit was organised in size order, and finally, with the addition of two glasses of water, the table was done. "Erwin," I called, sitting down in one of the chairs. 

He emerged once again, though he'd removed the jacket of his uniform and rolled up his sleeves. His wavy fringe was shoved back, and his eyes seemed to drink in the sight of me, lounged with my arm over the back of the chair, or was that just my imagination? He sat down opposite me, and thanked me for preparing the meal before loading his plate. I ate considerably less, but the food went down better than anything I'd eaten in weeks. 

"Levi," he addressed me, setting down his empty glass and pushing aside his plate. "I'm glad to see you're trying to get better." I looked up then, to see his smile, fuller and happier than I'd seen it in too long. "If there's anything I can do..." His hand went up to brush back his hair, and he looked away. For some reason, I wanted to do that - to run my fingers through his hair. I gulped at that thought. 

"Stay." It escaped my lips before I could stop it. His head jerked up at that, and he wore an expression of surprise, mingled with something akin to hope. "Stay," I repeated. It was hopeless now - I'd already said it aloud, so I may as well reinforce it. He nodded, and tried - too obviously - to hide the smile that grew. 

"Why don't you go and clean up? Your face and hand..." He shook his head slightly, and stood up, collecting the plates from the table. "I'll rinse the plates, don't worry." I nodded, confident that his cleaning ability was good enough to suffice and got up from the table, making my way in to the bathroom. 

I washed my hand and face, wiping away the stains left by both blood and tears. I felt much better after the splash of cold water, and I brushed back my too long hair, vowing to have Hange cut it as soon as she came over the next day. I stepped out of my trousers, but left on the shirt and my underwear. With a stretch and a yawn, I padded out of the bathroom and for the second time that day, straight into Erwin. 

This time, he caught my stumble backward and held me still with a giant hand on my shoulder. "I was about to ask-" "Watch where you're going, you overgrown buffoon!" I huffed, irritated by his quietness, and head-butted his chest. He only laughed and ruffled my hair in response, unfazed by what I had deemed a good head-butt. "Never mind now," he caught hold of my hand and looked down with a cocked brow as if questioning whether this was okay. I looked away, flushed, but nodded in response. He seemed to like the answer, and jerked me towards my bedroom. As we walked, a shadow caught my attention in the window of the sitting room, and it waved goodbye with a smile, though I couldn't quite place the face, fading rapidly into the darkness. 

Once inside, he shut the door and the curtains, though there were holes in them, most likely made by the moths that had destroyed the ones in the sitting room. I sighed, pinched the bridge of my nose lightly with my now free hand and shook my head. Tomorrow, I was going to blitz this place. 

The next time I looked up, Erwin was released of his boots, leather straps and was unbuttoning his white trousers. His unusually intense focus was quite amusing, and before I knew it, I was smiling as I watched him undress. After a moment, he was stood in front of me, shirtless - although I don't quite know how I missed that part. 

He gestured with his head towards the bed. Sensing my hesitation, he blew out the candle that sat on my desk and in the darkness, held up a blanket for me. I got in on the far side of the bed. 

We lay in silence for a while. I heard his breathing soften and even out after a while, and I was sure he was asleep. I turned then, to look at his sleeping expression, and the guardedness of it was all but gone. The great Commander Erwin Smith, asleep like a baby in my bed. I reached across to push the hair from his face with a small, simple smile before laying down, nestled against his chest, my head resting on the crook of his shoulder. I'd pass it off as rolling on to him in my sleep, but for now? I'd just remain here, the only place I wanted to be currently - and, as I thought about it, for a few more days. 

* * *  
I woke up in the middle of the night, to an unfamiliar, if not barely recognisable weight pressing on my chest. My eyes opened slowly, vision returning to me bit by bit as I blinked, and soon enough, the small, pointed face of Levi came into vision. He slept soundlessly - for the first time in a while, the dark bags under his eyes suggested. I smiled, and my gaze flickered down.  
As if clinging on for dear life, he'd unconsciously wrapped his leg around both of mine, and his short arm was draped around my bare torso. He was like a snake, crushing its prey. A small snake, crushing its prey delicately. Levi Snakerman. I had to chuckle at that, though I was careful not to wake him.  
I took the opportunity to brush his too long hair that obscured my view away, revealing the delicate skin of his face, the pointed cheekbones, ski-slope nose and thin lips. My fingers traced these lines unconsciously, delicately, as I'd dreamed of doing for so long. He stirred some, but didn't wake; I took this as my cue to stop.  
I knew the deaths of his comrades haunted him, Petra's especially. What he had seen... I shook the thought from my mind. He seemed lighter today, better than I'd seen him in so long. He'd smiled - laughed, even! The memory of that vulnerable giggle further increased the size of my smile, and my arm snaked around him, holding my securely to my side as if this happier, lighter Levi would disappear.  
In sleep, he huffed and frowned, a familiar enough expression. That gave me hope, that Levi was returning to normal, or at least, to something better than what he'd been for far too long. In the weeks he'd been on leave, I'd not witnessed this expression, or any other. The ride back from the expedition was the worst. He was reckless, and then he was blank. I wasn't sure which was worse to witness, but I was glad it was coming to an end.  
With a small smile, I leaned down, and my lips brushed over his temple. Levi wasn't the brightest - or tallest, for that matter - captain of the Survey Corps, but he was the one that captivated me entirely. Perhaps I'd tell him when he woke, but for now? For now, I'd fall back into the happy abyss, and cherish the thought of waking to see his face.


End file.
